i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
