would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
