Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Someone signed my nipple.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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