You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
