hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
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I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
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I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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