I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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