I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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