The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize