Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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