At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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