You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
