I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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