Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
