you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I know her cup size but not her name....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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