how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
