I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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