no, he came in my armpit
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
