This house was built for laser tag.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
