That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
