I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I see more hoeing in ur future
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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