Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
