I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
