____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
