Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
