this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
