we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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