these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
