shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
