well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
