I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
