I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
