Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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