i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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