Need sex. Gaining weight.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
