some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
