You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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