3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
