We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's never too late to be topless.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
