i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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