just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
