my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
