This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
