apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ttyl tear gas
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
