Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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