He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you had me at cake vodka
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
