um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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