she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
