I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
