am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
