When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
