trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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