ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Congratulations! We have a period
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
