Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
