I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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