He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
