she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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