Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
