My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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