I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
