Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
