Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
