She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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