Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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