i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
