I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
