i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
