I feel great
I just peed on a car
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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