will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
