What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
