her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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