Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
