if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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