speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
