By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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