Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
