I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
