My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
