Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
