belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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